Until recently, my weekdays had a different form of routine to them.  Each morning my family and I would venture out to spend our day at work or school, and look forward to the time when we would get to connect later in the day. I love coming home to my kids. After a long workday or a good yoga class, there’s nothing better than collapsing on the sofa with them to read a new book or review the day. But suddenly, I’m not coming home to them – I’m with them all day, every day, as we adjust to the strange new world of Covid-19. My kids aren’t coming home to me, either – no more playdates, sports practice or outing with friends.  We’re together all the time, at home and sometimes outdoors. And suddenly we realize how much we all rely on those shifts in company and locations to help regulate our emotions.

Whether you are sheltering in place, on a stay at home order, or just practicing social distancing, changing our surroundings (and people surrounding us) is not as simple as it was a few weeks ago.  Without being able to take off when things get tense, how do we manage our emotions in this new landscape?

1. Accept and acknowledge your emotions

When you’re overcome with overwhelming irritation or sadness, take a deep breath and remember the emotions are conveying important information.  Learning to work with, and not against, our emotions is important. Studies show that even just acknowledging the emotion – I’m frustrated, I’m frantic – helps diffuse its energy. Say it to yourself. Say it to the other person in the room.  No need to ascribe a reason to it – “I’m feeling frustrated,” is a great way to share your own experience.  “I’m frustrated because of the mess in the kitchen” can be less helpful as takes the focus of your internal emotions and places it on something external (the kitchen).

2. Observe your reactions

Once you’ve named your emotion, is it urging you to act? An emotion-fueled action can be useful or not, depending upon the circumstances – grabbing your child out of harm’s way in response to fear of the coming car is different from yelling at a child over dirty plates left on the table.

Observing your emotional state and the resulting urges is an important practice. After you name your emotion, do a quick body scan; notice where your muscles are tense, what sensations you are experiencing.  Notice any urges you are feeling; are you about to yell? To say something cutting? Pausing to observe your reactions and resulting urges, buys you time to consciously decide if you will act on them or defuse them.

3. Influence your emotions

So now I’m frustrated and angry at the mess the kids made when I was in the other room. My body is tense, my neck is beginning to ache and I have the urge to yell at them, order a cleanup, and share some of the discomfort!

But what do I actually want to do? Should I lean into the anger, intensifying it, so they may think twice before dumping the entire puzzle box in the lego bin again? Or should I diffuse my anger by deliberately seeking more compassionate responses. like remembering they are just kids, they are frustrated and cooped up, and sorting it out will be a good learning experience?

If I pause and observe, I can choose my response deliberately.

4. Take control of your urges

Emotions often cause us to act – but the opposite is true as well. Actions also influence our emotions.  When you are feeling an emotion you want to change, experiment with actions that are the opposite of the urge. When you are angry and want to say something biting, a conscious choice to use gentle words will help subdue your anger.  When you are feeling guilt and are inclined to avoid talking about it, speaking openly about the incident and apologizing can relieve your guilt.  And when you can’t adjust your tone or words, take a moment for a deep breathe or a walk, or a few seconds in another room.

5. Respond to unhelpful thoughts

The emotionally-driven thoughts that flow during times of fear and anxiety often reinforce those emotions – unless we can take some control, it’s easy to fall into black and white thinking, catastrophizing, or over-personalizing.  (“This is how the kids always do this!” ”No one respects my efforts to keep the house clean.”  This is another place where pausing and observing helps – it gives you time to remember that thoughts are not facts, and what looks like reality may shift as your emotional state quiets down. Put those thoughts on hold for the moment and promise to revisit them later. When you are calmer, test your thoughts: are they aligned with the facts on the ground? Are they helpful?

6. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness activities are things you do to promote your conscious awareness of the present moment.  They can be centering and calming, something that everyone needs in uncertain times. Yoga and meditation are wonderful and there are a multitude of online yoga classes and meditation podcasts.  If yoga or meditation aren’t your thing, there are countless other activities to promote mindfulness.  Here are a few:

• Sit quietly for a few minutes and observe an object (a leaf, a mug, a lego creation).  Give it your full attention, noticing the texture, the colors, the shape.
• Close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing.  Try inhaling for a count of ten, holding your breath for a count of ten, exhaling for a count of ten.
• Look out a window and try to observe the shapes and colors of things without labeling the objects in your mind.
• Listen mindfully to another person; focus only on what they are saying.  If your mind begins to formulate a response, gently re-focus yourself on the other person.

Practice mindful eating.  Before taking a bite, observe the color, texture, shape, and smell of the food.  While taking a bite, notice the feel of the food in your mouth, the taste, the sensation of the temperature of the food.

The changes brought about by Covid-19 will pass but there will certainly be other circumstances in our future that affect our expectations of how things should be in contrast to how they are.  By practicing awareness of your emotions and consciously steering your reactions, you can build skills that will benefit you and your family far into the future.

As we’ve mentioned before, communication, in general, is complex. So, for a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), any improvements in social skills will mean improvements in other related areas, such as communication.

For example, in communicating, the child needs to be approachable—and understand what that entails—then needs to understand when it’s his or her cue to speak or communicate.

Conversely, if the child wants to communicate something, he or she needs to learn how and when to approach others to initiate the conversation.

So, if you can work on practicing social skills at home, you will be way ahead of the game so-to-speak for advancing in communication skills as well.

There are lots of games and activities you can do at home to work on a child’s social skills, and you can have some fun with them. Obviously, which exercises you choose to try will be a function of the child’s age, interests, and where he or she is on the spectrum. But here are a few suggestions.

Role Play:

1. You can spell out an open-ended situation, such as “What do we do when the doorbell rings?” or “What do we do if we’re lost?” And then play through different scenarios because there are probably several right answers.
2. You could write down several different situations on pieces of paper and draw them out of a jar at random.
3. Set up a concrete situation like the child wanting to buy something that costs $1.99. One person can be the storekeeper and one can be the buyer. Then exchange roles.
4. Please note that all children can benefit from these types of role playing games, not just children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

Play Cards:

There are hundreds of card games available from the simplest to the most sophisticated and plenty of books devoted to the subject. All require someone to understand when it is their turn to play and when they must sit back and allow someone else to play. Players also have to learn how to act if they don’t want others to know what’s in their hand and bluffing!

This is useful because card playing can involve just two persons or as many as four or even six. In four-handed games, a savvy adult can easily play two hands.

Easy games include War, Concentration (trying to make matching pairs with all the cards face down), and Go Fish.

Slightly harder games include straight 10-card Gin, Whist (a precursor to bridge for four players), and 5-card draw poker.

If your kids are card sharks, then try Texas Hold’em, a variety of poker, or Canasta. You can make card playing more interesting once the child or children understand the games by playing for (fake) money: pennies or popsicle sticks or marbles or chips or chits you make yourself during your craft time.

Card playing also teaches skills like matching like things (pairs), counting (which card has a higher value), and can be a lifelong hobby. Another benefit is that cards are very portable, so you can take your games and activities with you anywhere, and you don’t have to be a great conversationalist to play cards if you master the social skills involved.

Hint: You could also try introducing Mahjong, which is similar to the card game Gin, except you play with tiles, and it’s always four-handed.

The Smell or Taste Game

Try blindfolding your child—if he or she is amenable to it—and having them do some blind smell or taste tests.

Peel and cut up several different types of apples and ask the child to rate them and try to identify them—when it’s his or her turn.

Have them smell some common herbs or spices from your cupboard, and again, try to describe them or rate them or identify them with pictures or words or numbers when it’s his or her turn.

All of these exercises teach a child to watch for cues that it’s his or her turn and how to initiate his or her turn to play or speak. You can all have a lot of fun, and there’s nothing expensive about any of these suggestions.

With the ongoing concerns regarding coronavirus (Covid-19) and recommendations for social distancing, ABA providers are quickly adapting to create new service delivery options for families.  Providers want to keep families and staff as safe as possible, while ensuring that clients continue to receive the care they need.  Telehealth allows patients to receive services remotely, making it an ideal way to minimize in-person interactions.  Every day, more insurance carriers are joining in approving this mode of service delivery for ABA clients.

Who needs Telehealth? 

While some families are seeking continuity of the same level of services they were receiving previously, sheltering in place has actually increased the need for services for some.   Newly-diagnosed children and older individuals with aggression or self-injurious behavior cannot afford a break in services.  Children and adults who are struggling to adapt to the drastic change in routine of a sudden break from school or expected community activities may need more help than ever.

How does Telehealth help my family social distance?

Using Telehealth decreases the number of people with whom your family will interact on a daily basis.  Although you may still choose to have services in your home, Telehealth provides the option to minimize the number of providers.  Direct service providers typically visit only a small number of homes.  Having a BCBA, who is responsible for supervising more families and staff, provide supervision and parent training via Telehealth allows those professionals to continue to serve many families without the risk of spreading germs between houses.

How can Telehealth work within an ABA model? 

The model used for ABA is called real-time Telehealth or synchronous telemedicine.  This means that the health care provider and the patient are speaking and interacting in real time via audio or video communication.  Here are some examples of how real-time Telehealth might be used:

• The direct therapist is assigned to a minimum number of homes and takes precautionary measures to keep him/herself and the family low-risk. Therapy proceeds as usual, with the BCBA observing sessions, taking data, making protocol modifications, and giving feedback through the use of a Telehealth platform.
• In cases where direct therapy is not able to occur, another option could be an increase in parent education hours. Some families might be prepared to continue the programming formerly implemented by the direct therapist, and some families will not be.  BCBAs can re-assess needs and design a parent-training program that meets the needs of the client within the constraints of the current family circumstances, whatever those may be.  This may mean changing goals, shifting priorities, and introducing different methods of managing behavior.
• In some cases, direct therapy through Telehealth may be clinically appropriate. Individuals who are able to readily attend and communicate with a therapist without physical redirection and who don’t require in-person reinforcement delivery may be able to make progress through Telehealth.  The feasibility of this would be determined by the BCBA.

Are there privacy concerns? 

You have the right to expect your health care providers to protect your privacy no matter what modality your services are provided through.  There are many different types of Telehealth software specifically designed to be HIPAA compliant.  As with any healthcare service you receive, if you have privacy concerns, discuss them with your provider.  And always remember that whether or not you consent to services is entirely your decision.

What should I expect?  How do I prepare?

The following are helpful in preparing to receive Telehealth services:   

• A strong Wi-Fi connection in your home
• A physical arrangement that minimizes disruptions and keeps other ambient noise to a minimum
• A device that can be set up to properly view the therapy surroundings and the entire session (for observations and supervision) and moved to an area for 1:1 discussion, out of earshot of the client (for parent or therapist private discussion with the provider)
• Proper audio on your device. Consider a mix of using device audio and headphones.  When a provider is observing the session, the device audio will capture all of the interactions going on.  When your child is taking a break and you and the provider need to speak, it may be best to use headphones for better sound quality and to reduce background noise.
• Any other typical items you use during therapy: note-taking materials, etc.

As with any type of therapy, it’s important to have excellent communication with your providers to share how the model is working for you.   A continuous open dialogue with your provider about your experience allows them to troubleshoot with you, ultimately making sure that this is an effective way for your family to receive ABA services.

The sudden disruption in routine due to COVID-19 is challenging for all individuals to manage as we adjust to a new, and hopefully short-lived, normal of staying at home and ceasing most of our regular activities. For families of individuals with autism and other disabilities, the disruption can be especially challenging.

Although families deal with planned schedule changes or transitions, such as school vacations and summer breaks every year, what we are currently experiencing is different. This is a sudden disruption to our everyday routines with the added pressure of trying to create a viable learning environment to accommodate home schooling or online learning as schools try to complete the year in a virtual environment.

This sudden disruption means that both teachers and parents have not had adequate time to prepare for distance learning and that children have unexpectedly been pulled out of school. Children rely on set classroom schedules and routines and seeing the same friends and teachers every day. Now add into the mix the cessation of center-based services, therapeutic interventions, and possibly in-home visits being limited or put on hold to help minimize the spread of Coronavirus (COVID-19) across the United States. This will likely cause confusion and uncertainty for many. Easing anxiety, setting up activities, and staying busy during these unexpected and possibly challenging times can help with this change.

Being transparent about the situation:

Easing any anxiety your child may be experiencing, due to the changes in schedules and routines, is the first step to settling in to a “new” temporary schedule. Children will perceive the added stress and anxiety in the environment and so it’s important to explain to your child what is happening in their world. Keep it simple with basic information and present the facts at the level appropriate for your child’s age and ability to absorb this type of information.  Even though you may be concerned yourself, it is important to model calmness when talking about the virus. Children pick up on your social cues and how you respond to new things. If they have questions, answer them. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Remind them that they are safe. And, remind them that this will end and they will return to school and to their favorite activities.

There are a variety of websites with information on how to talk to your child about the coronavirus. This website offers a social story about the change in schedule due to the Coronavirus as well as a printable PDF.

An increase in sensory needs, anxiety and meltdowns:

Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder generally have increased sensory needs and it is likely that those needs will not be met during this challenging time. Expect to see an increase in anxiety, depression and perhaps OCD. Additionally, since autistic individuals frequently have trouble communicating verbally, often the only sign that your child is experiencing anxiety is through external expressions such as meltdowns and increased self-stimulatory behaviors. It is likely that you may see new behaviors in which your child may not have engaged in previously.

It is important to provide the space for your child to express his concerns. Russell Lehmann, motivational speaker and author reminds us that outbursts and meltdowns are the expression of inner pain, overwhelm, confusion, stress and anxiety. Simply, be present with your child and listen more than you talk. Validation of their experience and a safe space to release their emotions is important in helping to move through it. Helping children take long deep breaths throughout the day will calm the nervous system (both yours and theirs) and help to mitigate the build-up of stress and emotion.

Establishing routines:

It helps to create a routine at home that provides consistency and predictability. If your child does better with visual schedules, there are great resources available to you on the internet that can help you create your own daily written or visual schedules. We tend to take for granted that we know what is coming based on the time of day (12 means lunch is near), but many of our children can’t associate time of day with certain activities. Creating a schedule will help allow them to see what’s coming next throughout their day and may help to lessen some challenging behaviors that may emerge due to their lack of routine.

If this feels overwhelming, try creating mini-routines for different parts of the day; a waking routine, a morning play routine, a “schooltime” or learning routine,  a lunch routine etc. This is also a great opportunity to create and teach hygiene routines such as handwashing.

If you are receiving in-home ABA, seek help and advice from your BCBA to assist you in developing a daily schedule that will help meet your family’s needs. There are also greater resources available, via Telehealth, to receive parent training from your BCBA.

Staying busy, especially during your child’s typical school, daycare or ABA-service hours is the next step. The solidarity of many world-wide educational and additional sites offering free online resources is remarkable during this time of uncertainty. Educational sites, as well as museums, zoos, and even Disney are offering virtual treats for children of all ages. There are free options for temporary internet service if your family needs it. This is also a time to connect with your children in new ways- cooking or baking, playing cards and boardgames, taking a walk, making up games, and learning life skills. Alternate your schedule between electronic activities, written work, crafts or projects and playing inside or outside when available. Use transition warnings (timers, first/then statements and choices) whenever possible throughout the day to help navigate and manage their new schedules.

Remain calm, set up a new daily routine and stay busy. And remember that patience, not perfection, is the key. Know that this is going to be hard- taking it moment to moment makes it more manageable. These tips should help minimize the effects of these sudden and unexpected events on your child and your family. Stay safe and healthy.